Really?

It’s difficult for me to fathom the mentality of some people. This won’t be long, but I want to make sure my readers are clear. I love beer. In fact, I have dreams about beer. In my dreams, there are rivers flowing with beer. There are forests of beer trees where no creature ever thirsts, and cows that when milked produce the finest milk stout you’ll ever taste. In fact, in my “beertopia,” it’s called “beering” not “milking” at all. In other words, I love beer.

Now, please don’t mistake my passion for this magical elixir as drunkenness. In fact, it’s quite the contrary. People who swill beer disgust me. This is a beverage meant to be savored not abused. So, when I’m at the grocery store, and I pull up next to an expensive looking convertible Mercedes with the top down and two half-full (yes, I’m typically pretty optimistic) Corona’s in the cup holders, I take offense. First, to the fact that this person is clearly discriminating in his or her choice of automobile yet they choose to skimp on the beer they choose to drink, BUT, and that is a big fat hairy “BUT!” I take offense to the fact that my state, Texas, has unnecessarily strict beer laws, not because of people like me, who truly love beer, but because of idiots like this who clearly couldn’t tell a lager from an ale, even with it stamped on the bottle, but choose to ruin it for the rest of us by pulling crap like this!